The big reset

In a conversation I recently had with my sister, she said something about how she needs to live more in her “3D life,” and that hit home. It struck a nerve, a chord, rung a bell. Whatever. 2025 was a weird year. I think in general, it was a weird year for most. And weird, isn’t exactly the word for it, but (let me find synonyms…..) bizarre, strange, offbeat, outlandish, erratic, unusual, unorthodox, wacky, surreal, absurd. Those seem a bit more on point.

If you follow me in any sense, you know my political views. I’m not quiet about them, I just think that children shouldn’t be raped, people should be held accountable for their (MANY) crimes, and those leading a first world country should act as such and not like they’ve lost their favorite shovel at the beach whilst building a sand castle and have a temper tantrum about it…..but that’s just me.

Anyway, as this last year went on, my strength and hope and “what the fuck are we all doing?” waned. I took the entire summer off from photographing births (since the summer of 2024 was too stressful with 7 births throughout those 3 months, in addition to camping, going to the U.P., day trips, swimming, etc). I wasn’t consistent with my social media or client experiences. I just felt drained in every sense of the word.

The last 2 months of 2025, I had more positive interactions. I made more time for friends, had in-person coffees, said “yes” to things I may have said no to earlier in the year, and said “no” to the things that didn’t fill my cup. The main thing I’m realizing is that when I say I haven’t “had time” to do this or do that, it’s not that I don’t have time, I just haven’t been using my time wisely. I’ve been doom scrolling, comparing myself to others (whether that be fellow photographers, moms, families, people who travel more….), reading TOO much of the news and making lists of things I want to do vs actually doing them. Too much “2D living” not enough “3D life.”

I love my alone time, but where does that get me in the end?

To quote National Lampoon’s Christmas vacation: “It’s people that make the difference. Little people like you."

I think in 2024, my “word for the year” was Intention. That year, I focused on getting more birth clients, making more contacts, having more intention in my business, and that went well. I made some incredibly fabulous friends and connections, I photographed some of the most beautiful births… and then in November of that year, I was deflated.

This year is “The Big Reset.” So what does that mean? That means that the facebook and instagram apps are gone from my phone. If I want to check on a few things here and there, I will need to do it from my computer. No more doom scrolling that leads to HOURS of unnecessary wasted time. This also means that (at least for the month of January), when the kids are home and awake, the internet is off. I have been HORRIBLE with the amount of screen time my boys have had. I can’t regulate it. I just can’t. I give in all the time and if it’s just a “I don’t know? It just doesn’t work?” then I don’t have to have the constant battles (don’t tell them!). Every time we do a little screen time reset, I notice the change in their moods and actions, so this is quite necessary.

Things that I don’t take the time for, or take the time to learn: Art journaling, reading, crocheting, I want to learn how to bound my own book (I know that’s random, but it’s interesting to me!), writing letters, like actual letters. Taking photos for ME again. My intention for my business this year is completely focus on births (because, damn I love births!) and the connection between parents (mostly moms) and their young children in my studio. I did that “motherhood series” (some of those images below) last year and loved it so much, I want more images like that. (Model calls posted in the next week ;))

One thing I wanted to make a point of, was that in the middle of December, I was invited to a dinner. I received a call in October, that one of the people I admire the most, Christie Reynolds, wanted me to come to this dinner because she was gathering women who she admired and respected and she’s always wanted to host a dinner with all of them in one room, so that’s what she was going to do (at the time of the invitation, I didn’t realize that it was also a birthday celebration for her). Besides being completely flattered by the initial phone call, I was totally taken aback that, this woman, who I find to be insanely incredible, respected me. Me. She’s a midwife for the Iola, In the Beginning midwives, an accomplished yogi, an amazing mother, and puts women at ease with her temperament and knowledge at each birth she attends. Why on earth was she inviting me to a dinner?

I have always been very comfortable sitting on the sidelines. Being in the hospitality industry for ….12 ish years, I am very happy there. Pouring the wine, making small banter before you order, delivering a special anniversary dessert. Observing. Listening. Anticipating people’s wants or needs before they want or need them. It’s probably why I love documentary photography so much. I notice things you may not. I listen to you chat about how your son always does that thing with his hair these days (so I photograph it), or how your 3 other kids’ names are on your necklace as you breastfeed your brand new fourth baby (and I photograph it). But I’m never being photographed. I’m never “invited” to the dinner.

But I was this time. I asked Christie if I could bring my camera or if that wasn’t “the vibe” but she was all for it. I didn’t end up taking that many photos because I felt the need to be more present. I use my camera as a way to set a filter between me and the rest of the world sometimes. When I photograph births, I rarely get choked up, because my camera keeps that distance. But Christie invited me to this dinner because she wanted me there.

There were around 14 women. I knew 6 (?). The 6 I knew were from the birth world, midwives and doulas, and all of which I adore and have the utmost of admiration for. The others were women from Christie’s past and present. Women who she grew up with, women who have helped her through rough times, women who have just been there and listened. For every person there, Christie gave a mini speech, highlighting each of their “amazingness.” She spoke of their strength, generosity, compassion and then handed them a card, having written all of that down.

For me, she spoke of my excellence in story telling. She said she was surprised that I wasn’t a millionaire with the way I photograph people. She admires my willingness to letting myself and my life be known through my writing. She said I was an inspiration in the running I do with Jon. Christie spoke so seamlessly and fluidly of those strengths, I was astonished when she said they were about me. She spoke about each woman without revealing who they were until the end of her mini speech, so there were only specks of knowledge that it was actually YOU that she was speaking of at the moment. I sat there, completely in awe of the women around me, and in even more awe, that I was part of that group.

I mentioned this dinner because in thinking about this new year, new reset, I had a small revelation.

It’s okay to observe and listen and document, but it’s also okay to be the leading lady in your story. To be the one being photographed. To say what you want. To do what you want.

And to sit your ass down at the dinner because you deserve to be there.

Here’s to the Big Reset.