motherhood
I keep thinking of the song “This Woman’s Work” by Kate Bush.
The main part of the song goes:
“I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.
I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.
I should be crying, but I just can't let it show.
I should be hoping, but I can't stop thinking
Of all the things I should've said,
That I never said.
All the things we should've done,
That we never did.
All the things I should've given,
But I didn't.
Oh, darling, make it go,
Make it go away.”
It’s what I feel like motherhood is. Even though we’re exhausted and don’t think we can go on, we have a little life in us yet, we have a lot of strength, just keep pushing. When pregnancy becomes so uncomfortable and so difficult, we just have a little bit to go before that baby arrives. Then when those sleepless nights turn our realities into hallucinations, we just keep going, because we have to.
A woman’s work is never-ending. It’s constant. It’s unforgiving. It’s in our dreams, our everyday movements and thoughts, and yet we never think we’re doing it “right” or that we’re good enough. Our identity as a woman is rooted so much in motherhood (for those of us that chose to be mothers).
Along with our bodies changing, so do our priorities, our hobbies, our friends, our communities. I’ve been extremely lucky to have made the best friends because I had kids. It’s weird to think who would and wouldn’t be in my life had things gone a different way. The experiences I’ve had. The trips, the outings, the camaraderie (and yes, I totally googled how to spell that). And you know what’s fascinating with all of those friendships and community? We all feel “less than” in some aspects…..not all, but some. We should have done hockey earlier, we could have done charter school, we should make more homemade meals, our house isn’t clean enough, we should workout more, we said the wrong things, handled the situation in the completely wrong way, should’ve read more books, less screen time. We should’ve gone back to school, back to work, stayed home longer, stayed home at all. It’s never “good enough.” We are just stay at home moms, we unfortunately have to go to work, we want to go back to work, we like being a mom, we don’t like being a mom and what it’s meant for other parts of our lives. So many things can be true at the same time. And yet we always need to justify. Why?
Why can’t I enjoy being a mom but also fantasize about taking a solo roadtrip around the country and explore without worrying if the hikes will be too long and I don’t have enough snacks? Why can’t I love the living shit out of my kids, but also not like them sometimes? Why can’t I yearn for the days when they needed me more, but also love the quiet and calm of the house, now that they’re in school?
“Of all the things I should've said,
That I never said.
All the things we should've done,
That we never did.”
Motherhood is so hard. It’s feeling invisible but constantly needed. It’s being loved so hard that you just need some space. It’s loving so hard that you tear up when you catch them in the right light or remembering moments from years ago. It’s forgetting certain things, but remembering ALL the things. Being the logistical coordinator for your family in addition to having your own goals. It’s figuring out who you are beyond being a mother and maybe not knowing yet.
If you’re in the thick of mothering right now, it gets better. Parts get worse, not gonna lie…but it mostly gets better. You’re not alone in ALL of the thoughts and emotions.
With Motherhood just around the corner and the use of a studio, I asked women to be a part of a model call for what I’m calling “Fine Art Motherhood” photos. In that model call, I asked why they should be chosen…….some of the responses truly make me tear up. (and yes…there’s still time to submit, if you’d like to be considered. Follow this link).
“I’m the most out of shape and jiggly that I’ve ever been but possibly the happiest. Grateful to the body that grew and nourishes two boys.”
“The body is incredible and my body has created and carried two humans, endured highs and lows of yo yo dieting and finally, crossing the finish line to what will be a forever journey of finding the balance of yolo-ing and making healthy choices. I’m proud of my body and what it has endured, the scars and all.”
“I breastfed my first child for 1.5yrs and am currently breastfeeding my 7 month old. I am proud of my mom body because my children are my dream come true. Everything I have worked for and continue to work for is for them.”
“ I have spent almost 6 months at home with my first born/son and always hear about how awesome my husband is as a dad (he is) and am always the person taking pictures of them. It’d be so special to have someone actually capture the love between my baby & I as I am the person he looks for and I feel as if there are no pictures of us besides what I’ve taken, I also feel as if the credit I don’t receive diminishes the feeling of being a good mom, even though I know I am. “
“Would love to show that although I’ve already had two kids, and have had a c-section I am still beautiful and having babies creates a warrior in the end of it all no matter how you have them!”
“Would love photos of myself with my two babies as I’m usually the one behind the camera and asking husband to take more pictures never seems to come to fruition. Also want to document this time while they’re younger and show their love openly and willingly. As well as view and appreciate my postpartum body in a more positive light.”
“I would love to be part of some candid art style photos. Do Mom's ever really get their picture taken with their kiddos?”
“I have never had photos taken of me and my four boys. I have also always hated my body after my kids but I have now learned to embrace my new body and love the skin I’m in. I am still breastfeeding my 11 month old and hoping to make it to at least a year. It’s a huge accomplishment as I was unable to breastfeed my others.”
“I’m mostly a stay at home mom. My daughter has given my life purpose and is truly my reason for living.”
“I feel like a failure as I couldn't keep my babies safe, and now I won't ever be able to carry another. I love being a mom and my heart breaks that my body can't handle pregnancies nor my female parts.”
“I've been working on embracing the way my body looks, being confident and setting an example for my girls that everyone is made differently and that's what makes life amazing. I was raised with alot of shame over my appearance and here I am at 42 changing the cycle.”
“I've been so busy with school this past year and I can't believe how big my kids are. I'd love some photos of me and my children bc as the Mom who thinks of everything and does so much for my family, I deserve something special that I can cherish for the rest of my life.”
Why are we so hard on ourselves? Why do we have to come to terms and “embrace our new body” after giving birth? Our bodies are miracles!! We not only grow WHOLE humans…..like WHOLE FUNCTIONIONG HUMANS, we also grow a whole extra organ to feed that human and protect it while it’s growing inside of us……and then it just goes away? WTF? Crazy! And we apologize for how we look after? We struggle with stretch marks, cellulite, wrinkles on our faces from sleepless nights, saggy boobs from breastfeeding, fluffy stomachs from being stretched and put back together, long lasting struggles with our pelvic floors that never allow us to go on a trampoline without peeing ourselves! And we APOLOGIZE!
We need to NORMALIZE the beauty that is our body after giving birth. These amazing women who I quoted above saying “I am still beautiful, I am a warrior, I’m breaking the cycle of body shame!” LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK!
My kids love to grab my thighs and wiggle them back and forth and say “jiggly thighs” while they do it. And you know what I say? I say, “these thighs have run a marathon. These thighs carry my body while I’m kicking your butt at soccer, and these thighs can help take your body down while we wrestle!” I will never apologize or feel shame for what my body has done or what it looks like anymore. Nobody has time for that shit.
